Today Mark N. and I went up to about 5000 feet. It was mostly cool and windy. We ran into Torben at the rock cairn and I was very pleased to get the chance to meet and chat with him. He told us that his ascent of Skyline last week was accomplished with garden tools--his "ice axe" was a pick-ax! I am really impressed (but I so don't recommend this! ) Torben reminded me of the intrepid old-style Scandinavian explorers. We never saw anyone else all day except a couple from Chicago.
However, I did, I believe, find the spoor of our elusive troll! On the descent, at approximately four thousand feet, I spotted a bright pink object in the brush. It proved to be an empty bottle of something called "Red Line Princess: Mood, Energy, and Fat Loss Matrix!" This pink, "exotic fruit-flavored" quasi-juice, the label said, was a product of a company named "Freeze and Burn: Fat Loss and Energy Technology"
This cellulite-burning, gloom-lifting concoction had a lengthy list of ingredients: "Evodiamine, Beta-Argine, N-Methyl Tyramine, 5-Hydroxy L-Trytophan, Caffeine Anhydrous, Yohimbine, St. John's Wort" and an equally lengthy warning to not exceed the intended doses, to keep away from children, pregnant women, and epileptics, and, curiously (for a weight-loss product) to not use if you are more than fifteen pounds overweight.
Well. Maybe it's just me. But I'm not sure if using fruit-flavored speed at four thousand feet is altogether wise.
Or effective. For just another hundred feet or so down the trail, I found a large empty bag of Raffles Potato Chips. It seems that the troll, helpless in the grip of his food addiction, had given in to the urge to binge shortly after the diet drink. Or--au contraire-- was the gulping of the "Redline: Princess" a desperate attempt to burn off the gobbling of an entire bag of chips?
It's very sad that this person is clearly in the grips of some kind of eating disorder. But, not that sad. Because whether you are or aren't some deeply depressed chubster in the throes of a binge, you can still take twenty seconds to put your cheap, crappy, bright pink trash in your damn backpack, instead of vomiting it into the wilderness like it's your own personal toilet. Look at this way, Fatso: had you stopped, taken off that backpack, and stowed the empty chips and speed drink inside, you'd of burned another fifty calories! And your ass would look a lot better now! Instead you just look like an ass!
In conclusion: Dear Mr. or Miss "Redliine Princess" User: please return immediately to your Mood, Energy, and Weight Loss Matrix. We don't want you in our universe. And while you're at it. ..take your miserable damn trash with you, ya bloated pig!
Ahh! I feel purged now.
